The Three Lamest Guys to Work With: Week 168

The three lamest guys to work with. Illustration by author

I don’t usually feel the need to vent my frustrations, but this is not one of those weeks. So here goes:

Three types of guys that are super lame to work with:

1.)    The Domestically Challenged

“Twenty years ago my wife told me never to touch the dishwasher and I haven’t since then.”

Let me get this straight. You digitally transfer money onto a plastic card, exchange this for a passage on a carefully orchestrated transportation system, and ride a metallic box (with a TV) 2,500 ft off the ground every morning.

And you can’t turn on the office dishwasher? Fired!

2.)    The Flirters

“Is there something going on with those two?”

There are very good reasons why you shouldn’t date your coworker, but that’s not what this kind of guy is about. Oh no. He’s an annoying breed of unprofessionalism that believes he can ‘have his cake and eat it too’.

He’s the kind of guy that refers to his partner as his friend, if he mentions her at all. When he’s not busy discussing important projects with ‘the boys’, he’s off in search of women to charm. It’s an interesting coincidence that his coffee breaks always start when there are female colleagues in the kitchen.

Here’s a novel idea Flirty McLame-o: women don’t show up to work for your benefit. Do the office a favor and save your stupid anecdotes for online dating. You’ll need it when your girlfriend finds out what you’re really like.

3.)    The Inappropriate Jokester

One morning I was discussing upcoming projects with a colleague when a cupped hand suddenly appeared in front of my mouth. Huh? That’s a weird way to greet someone. I pulled my head back like a turtle retreating into its shell and looked over to my right.

It was a male colleague in his 50s, the kind of ‘office jokester’ that enjoys hearing himself talk and the taste of his foot in his mouth.

What!?! I was confused.

“I’ll let you girls finish chatting, but first I need to ask a question.”

WHAT?! Now I was pissed.

Would he have interrupted a male colleague like that? I didn’t think so. Would he have done that to someone older? Probably not.

Because of the lack of precedent, I don’t think he had intended to offend me. But as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The presumption that my conversation was frivolous upset me almost as much as the gesture. My conversation was work related, but that’s not the point. Even if I had been talking about what nail polish I would wear on a trip to the moon, it is NOT appropriate to interrupt me like that.

Be warned lame male colleagues of the world: I don’t care how important your question is, how confusing those three buttons on the dishwasher are, or how twinkly your eyes are- it sucks to work with you.

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